i am the variation

sometimes i worry

sometimes i panic

i can get quite frantic

of what this horrible disaster might be

what would i do

what would i say

to try and explain?

ill be another tally

added to a reoccuring statistic

just another dissapointment

the days will change 

my life will turn upside down

and completely around

will i tell him?

will i tell them?

who can i trust

with something so unjust

people will stare 

some will even glare

all i know is i said yes

and now this is my test

i need to prove

prove that im not stereotype

not just another one

another failed mistake

im human 

and my judgement sometimes fails

and my decisions might be wrong

but now im here

so just give me a chance

give me a chance to prove to you

i can be the one to succeed

when everything points down

when life is going to fail

i can be the differnce

the one to do it all

conquer and dominate

i can make it all better

because thats the last choice

the last resort

even when ive got no support

i will be the variation

oh darling,

you need me now more than ever, 

does it scare you knowing im not gonna be there?

or does it scare me how i might secretly need you just as much,

if not more.

I...

I fell so hard for someone who doesnt even know how to fall at all.

I fell so deep for someone who doesnt even know how deep it goes.

I fell so fast for someone who doesnt even know how to make it last.

Now all ive got to do is try and move on from the past.

I loved someone so much that they just gave it all away.

I loved someone too much that they just threw it all away.

Now all ive got to do is try and see the good in today.

I missed them a lot so they just told me to go away.

I missed them not enough so they just walked away.

Now all ive got to do is try and figure out what to say.

But i dont have anything left to explain...

getting things off my chest;

i hate how people can just forgot everything youve had, everything youve been through, the moments youve had, the progress and happiness, like everything, all that! just fucking forget it, and treat you like crap and try and push you away because "theyre afraid" oh they dont say they are, but thats what they are. because i know it, and im not fooled, but im not gonna stand and be happy about being treated like crap because your afraid to be with someone, be happy and have someone whos there for you and WANTS to be with you, like really just get over it, because youd rather just hurt me, and watch me fall and explode in sorrow and remorse. well its not gonna happen. because im not gonna talk to you, im not gonna waste my time on someone who doesnt give me the time of day, doesnt talk to me with the respect and sweetness i deserve. really, just grow up and stop being such a damn baby and treat me how you really do want to, how you use to. okay asshole? UGH!

lets change time for a moment...

How is it that one person can make the biggest impact on your life? like, ive been thinking a lot lately, and if you take one person, and the entire history ( everything youve ever done or decided because of this person ) out of your life, how drastically it would change, just because the things you did when you hungout, or the decisions youve made because you were friends with that person, or because you met someone. Like, i dont think thats very fair, how one decision, one person...can have that much change on your life. Iv'e been thinking a lot about this lately, because i was wondering how my life would be, how i would be as a person ( meaner, nicer, happier, sadder..ect ) if i took any one person or experience out of my life. It's funny how you can think about that, and wonder, all the senerios and life changing moments, well being different. Wouldn't it just be amazing if you could take people in and out of your life and see how youd be? see which life youd rather be living? But i guess, everything happens for a reason, everyone has an impact on your life because you choose it to be that way. I guess it'll just give me more insight on the decisions i make, and the people i let into my life. Even though you can never change whats happened, its funny to think what it would be like if you could.

if only you knew,

you run through my mind every day; every night.

drowning in a river of denial

you were dead,

now your alive?

i was completely destroyed,

but it was all a lie?

thanks to you, ill never be able to trust anyone,

ever again.

but i cant help but want to talk to you more,

get back to where we were before.

<3P.C.C.